You will encounter many professionals along your child’s healing journey. Many of these professionals will respect your opinions and include you in the decision making. Others will see you as a problem, or the cause of your child’s disorder. Most times, you can "fire" a therapist and get a new one, but there will be professionals you won’t be able to fire. You’re usually stuck with your child’s probation officer or school principal. You may not have any say over her DSS case worker or teacher. While your main job is to advocate for your child, it is also useful to develop techniques that will help you deal with these sometimes-resistant professionals.

• If you are not sure about how to talk with teachers and other professionals, enlist the help of an advocate. Contact the Family Advocate at your Community Mental Health Center. If you’ve been invited to a meeting, bring someone with you for moral support such as your spouse, a friend, or another parent.
• Working with the school or with another agency can be a very emotional, personal process, because this is your child. It's easy to feel defensive or angry. Instead of lashing out in anger, try to describe your needs in terms of what will help your child, not in terms of how you feel.
• Learn to recognize any personal habits or attitudes that get in the way of effective communication or keep you from being taken seriously.
• If you are troubled about a decision that was made about your child, call or send a note as soon as possible. When you confront problems early, you may be able to keep them from turning into a crisis.
• Inform teachers or mental health professionals immediately of any unusual circumstances occurring at home. Stress at home can affect your child’s behavior outside the home.
• Be positive and enthusiastic. This can help you get your point across or convince people to try something new.
• Be very up-front and give professionals factual information about your child's needs. Explain the reasons why you want something done, then suggest ways to do it.
• If you want people to listen to you and respect your opinion, you need to be credible and informed. Make sure you have all the facts before going into a confrontation. Do research. Make sure you know what your rights are.
• If you feel that decisions are being made without you, call and ask to be included in discussions. This is your right.
• Make a list of things you want to say before you go to a meeting and take it with you. Many parents have said they felt confident before the meeting, but became nervous and forgot what they were going to say when they went to the meeting.
• Make sure you have enough time to talk about important issues. Try to get placed on the agenda early in the meeting, so the meeting doesn’t end before you’ve had your say.
• Write letters or make calls to say "thank you" when things are going well.
• Maintain a "we" attitude. Ask how "we" can work together to solve a problem.
• Support the people who work with your child even when things aren't going well. Encourage them to keep trying. Let them know how much you appreciate their efforts on your child's behalf.
• Be aware that parents have a lot of power. Don't wait two months to check in for results. If a problem is not solved quickly, work on it. You may be able to help your child's teacher resolve something much faster. Work as a team.

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How to Resolve Problems You Are Having With an Agency

Working with resistant staff members can be frustrating. The resistant person may be a teacher, an office staff member, or someone who works directly with your child. If despite your best efforts, you are still having problems with an agency representative, use some of the following strategies:

1. First, try to resolve the problem with the person directly. Don’t go to the person’s supervisor or the agency director until you have talked to the person one-to-one. You don’t want to burn bridges, because you may have to deal with that person later on. On the other hand, if it’s a problem that involves abuse or unethical behavior, talk to the person’s supervisor immediately.
2. Before you call, make sure you have your facts straight. Many people find it helpful to make notes about how the problem arose, writing down dates and specific details. Have this list in front of you before you make the first call. When you make the call:

1. Focus only on the information that is related to the problem.
2. Know what your rights are. As a parent, you have many rights protected under the law. If you want more information about your rights, talk to a parent advocate.

3. Next steps
1. When you make the call, and the person is out of the office, leave a brief message, with your name, a description of what you want to talk about, your phone number and when you can be reached. If the person doesn’t return your call, call them back. You may have to call them back several times.
2. Keep your notes handy so when the person returns your call, you can refer to them quickly. Express yourself clearly and calmly, so that you can get your message across. State your concerns and be specific about how you would like the problem resolved.
3. Be respectful. Assert yourself, but don’t be rude, aggressive or threatening. When you act like this, people become defensive, and are less likely to want to work on solutions to problems. On the other hand, keep your goal in mind at all times so you won’t be taken advantage of.
4. Document all your conversations. Get a notebook to keep records of all your phone conversations, the conversation topics and any goals that were set.
4. Follow-up
1. Be prepared to follow-up on what you say you are going to do.
2. Don’t make any promises you know you won’t be able to keep. You are advocating for your child. Be firm and persistent.
3. If you’ve tried all the suggestions above, and the problem still hasn’t been resolved, talk to the person’s supervisor, or call the director of the agency. Follow the same steps listed above when you talk to the director or supervisor.
4. If, after talking to the director, you still haven’t solved the problem, call a legal rights or advocacy group. Find out if there is a formal complaint process through which you can register a complaint.

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