Families who are raising a child with mental, behavioral and emotional disorders are often under a great deal of stress. The stresses and frustrations that come with dealing with hostile teachers, apathetic DHS workers, probation officers, nosy family members and the day to day challenges of sometimes outrageous behavior can push families to the brink where a crisis ensues. The child’s behavior may set off the crisis, especially if your child has been using drugs or alcohol or violating rules. That is why it is always important to have a crisis plan. A crisis plan is a set of actions that the family, including the child, mutually agrees on to do when a child or family member loses control. These actions are agreed on when you and your family are calm, rational and talking to each other. You may also want to get you mental health professional involved in helping your family create a crisis plan. Mental health professionals have had experience in helping families deal with crisis and may have tips and techniques that you never thought of.

There may be steps in the mean-time that you can take to head-off a crisis before it escalates out of control.

• People rarely lose control suddenly. There are usually warning signs (such as changes in behavior) that you can learn to recognize before the crisis. If you sense a crisis is brewing, stay calm, and try to talk to your child. Try to get an appointment with your mental health professional if possible. If your child is refusing to talk, give them some space to de-escalate (calm down), but stay close by.
• Staying calm is the key. Our own emotions can often add fuel to the fire. If necessary, take a time out yourself. If you have a friend who understands and who won’t make judgements, call her. A fresh perspective can help you get your own feelings under control.
• If you are a member of a parent-run support group, call one of the members. If they are raising a child with mental health issues, they have probably experienced a crisis and may have some helpful advice.
• If other children in the home are antagonizing, try to find distracting activities for them to do. You may want to have a friend or family member take them to their home until the crisis subsides.
• Have phone numbers handy, such as the crisis unit of your mental health center, your child’s pediatrician and therapist.

If, despite your best efforts, the crisis explodes, be calm and act rationally. Try not to personalize the issue. Be aware of the following guidelines:

• Don’t threaten your child. This may cause him to become more excited or afraid.
• Don’t shout. Loud voices add to the sense of chaos. Continue speaking, but do so in a normal tone of voice.
• Don’t dare your child to act on what she is threatening to do. This will only engage her in a power struggle.
• Don’t block the doorway, but don’t let your child leave.
• Be prepared to call the authorities. A child who runs away from home puts herself in danger. A child who is threatening suicide or threatening to hurt someone else is also in danger. You want her safe, even if legal consequences result. Be aware though, that law enforcement officers in some communities do not have mental health training and calling 911 could be traumatic, in and of itself.